My Relationship With Social Media

Like many people, I’ve had a long and challenging relationship with social media. Until recently, I’ve really only ever used Facebook. And even with just one platform, I’ve been amazed at how many hours have been sucked away with me being glued to my phone.

I’ve had long periods where I have not engaged with social media at all. It is not a coincidence that those times are also times in my life where I have been more present and less anxious. There was a time that I thought I would get off social media altogether and never look back.

But over the course of the last couple of years, I have become even more disillusioned than ever with the nonprofit industrial complex. I have worked exclusively in the nonprofit “sector” since I was 21-years old. After decades of experience, even with more radical organizations playing around with alternative organizational structures, I am convinced that nonprofit organizations are a part of modernity, and it is no longer a system that I want to tie my life and livelihood to.

So, I have decided to take the plunge and try to chart my own way, outside of by-laws and corporate charter. And in making that decision in 2024, I have to accept that utilizing social media is pretty much a necessity. Sigh…

Regardless of my own feelings about social media, I can’t ignore the reality that this is where the vast majority of the world is, and if I want to engage with the world, I have to have some relationship to it.

However – I can still make intentional choices about how I want to engage with a technology that I am convinced is a net-negative for the world. I do not, in any way believe that social media platforms are a neutral technology that can used for good or bad. I believe that they are tools of capitalism that is designed to be addictive, fuels isolation, cultivates polarization, escalates anxiety and creates a society that is less mindful.

My hope is that by outlining a few commitments I am making about how I will engage with it, it will give me some accountability to myself, as well as transparency for those who may be connected with me on social media. These are not meant to be hard and fast rules, so I may not always follow them, but I hope for them to be a guide for me as I utilize these tools.

Commitment #1: I will not post about my personal life. While the line between what is “personal” and what is “professional” is very blurry for someone like me, my intention is to use social media for my work.

While social media may help distant friends and family stay connected, it’s hard to deny that it has also fostered a more isolating society, where we may have thousands of friends but few who’d bring us soup when we're sick.

My commitment is to prioritize building, strengthening and maintaining personal relationships in real life and away from any algorithms that predetermine for me what updates from whom I should see.

Commitment #2: I will post mindfully about my work. My intention of staying on social media is to share my work with people. But even with that, I always want to pause and reflect on the “why” of each post. Is the post necessary? What is my intention behind the post? Am I looking for “likes” and external validation, or do I genuinely think that sharing this will be a service in some way?

My social media profiles are tools to get the word out. My profile is not me. I want to be very clear about that distinction, and not mindlessly post about something just because I can. I will not assume that the whole world wants to know every little thought I am having.

My commitment is to always pause and be clear about the intention behind each post, and to use my platform with care for myself and for everyone who is using social media.

Commitment #3: I will not post about current events. I may share blog posts I write about things that are happening in the world, but I will not share links to news articles unless I feel like it is critically important.

This is because I believe there is real danger in so many people going to social media for their news. We increasingly get our news from narrow echo-chambers that only push us further into division and reinforce bias. I encourage people to get their news from places like Allsides or ZZZ, that specializes in providing news from across the political spectrum.

Social media is also a place that is filled with misinformation. From misreporting and out-right conspiracy theories to outdated articles and attention grabbing headlines that creates confusion, it is clear that social media has not made our society more aware of reality as it is.

My commitment is to not perpetuate division or misinformation by being more mindful of my social media “share” trigger.

Commitment #4: I will not scroll mindlessly. Most of us scroll through our feeds almost unconsciously. Which means that we are giving our minds and consciousness over to algorithms built to keep us addicted.

When we scroll mindlessly, we give up power and agency. We give up presence. We give up what’s right in front of us, on the other side of that screen.

My commitment is to use social media as a tool, one that I control and not the other way around. This means that I will most likely not be monitoring comments, responding to tags, etc.   

Commitment #5: I will rarely be in the comments.

This is related to commitment #3. I intend to use social media to share information about my work, and not as something that replaces actual dialogue and relationship building.

Social media, let’s all acknowledge, is also the worst place in the world to engage in any sort of conflict. As tempting as it may be to jump into the fray of the latest twitter debate, conflicts on social media always seem to be disconnecting and reductive, with a complete lack of nuance and empathy.

My commitment is to rarely engage in back-and-forth conversations in the comments, and almost never in conflicts.

Commitment #6: I will post this blog in the comment of each of my social media posts. This will remind me of my commitments each and every time I post something. I hope this constant practice will help to build healthy social media muscles.

Because I will be posting more than I have been in recent months, I want to be transparent about why and how I will be on these platforms.

I hope that these commitments can help to make transparent why you may not see me replying to your comments, engaging in conversations or responding to direct messages on social media apps. If you’d like to get a hold of me, please look for me in the real world, call me, send a text message or reach out to me via this website.

Hope to see you in the real world!